Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out

Stop everything you’re doing. Right now. Stop reading this blog. Close your eyes, and breathe. Inhale for four seconds, hold for eight- hey, close your eyes- and exhale for nine. 

When I was in sixth grade, my middle school tried implementing a meditation plan (operative word: tried). Every Monday, my science teacher would blare drones of alpha brainwave music and force us to close our eyes and breathe intentionally. The existing problem, though, was that I sat next to my closest friends- and for some unintelligible reason which I can now only reduce down to tween immaturity, we could not take it seriously. In fact, in the weeks that we had the meditations, we were much too busy trying to stifle our laughs that we did not so much as breathe as we were told, a single time. Retrospectively, there was nothing particularly funny at all- except maybe when I would peek open one eye and make direct eye contact with my glaring, unamused teacher, to which I would react by breaking into even more fits of laughter. Still, I cherish the memories that I have, of moments I would sit and have a tug-of-war with my mind to resist as much as possible, yet always being overcome by another uncontrollable urge to giggle.

How times have changed since then… these days, I can’t imagine having anything other than a delightedly grateful reaction to meditation, like I had last week in class before our Power Paragraph writing. Perhaps it is because my burdens are heavier than when I was 10 or 11 years old. Comparatively, I have more to breathe- or sigh- about. I will admit, sometimes it feels difficult to actively meditate and not slightly doze off, so maybe my grown passion for meditation is merely an indicator of my need for more sleep.

Now more than ever, I need to remember to practice deliberate breathing. If you’re like me, even time-blocking “meditate for 5 min” on Google Calendar might be necessary in order to actually get it done. Still, if even for just a moment, meditating allows me to muffle my jumbled thoughts and tune out the noise around me, reminding myself to take a moment to be grounded in the present. Though my eyes are closed, my mind is awake, more than ever. While I am here, I try to make the most of each breath.

To meditate is to feel time slow, and movement cease. What’s also felt, perhaps with more subtlety but all the more preciousness, is meditation’s essential impermanence. I can feel the tension that suspends its very existence: though I know that my eyes are closed as of this moment, and I am unavailable to the world, I also know that the moment I open them, life resumes. So, I like to keep them closed.

^ this is my favorite YouTube breathing video. take a watch :)

An aside - I'm thinking of carrying this theme of songs in my blogpost titles. This one is a lyric clipped from “Labyrinth” on Taylor Swift’s most recent album, Midnights. The last blog was, of course, a wordplay of Destiny’s Child’s greatest hit, “Say My Name.” It doesn’t match my blog domain name at all (which is an homage to Louis Litt from Suits, if any of you are familiar!), but I haven’t yet thought of how to connect that passion yet. Soon!

A second aside - How did you get to the end of this blogpost? I never told you to reopen your eyes…