Always an angel, never a god

My family is pretty heavily devout in Christian belief. It's in our blood, literally- my uncle is a pastor, my grandfather was a pastor, my great-grandfather, you guessed it... growing up, I never questioned my acceptance of religion. It was just an unspoken norm to wake up early to go to church every Sunday. Lately, though, I've been wondering what I would've done had I not been born into it. Who I would've been. Would I have still chosen to go (by my own free will)?

In the recent debate, our team with the negative stance's foundational argument was that the gods had a predestined plan for Oedipus- thus, he could not be held liable for the trajectory of his story. He was bound to his destiny, a victim of his fate.

Meanwhile, the Christian Bible upholds a different philosophy that everyone has free will- a personal choice to be a sinner or a saint. But as a little concession (!), Bible verse Jeremiah 29:11 reads: "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." 

Granted, the gods of Olympus seem to have different philosophies than the Christian God that I follow; I interpreted the above verse to have the meaning that God is all-knowing and already has a will for me, and I should put all trust in Him- something Oedipus so incorrectly thought he could cheat out of. We have free will to decide to obey or disobey, and choose for ourselves whether or not to accept His grace. Some do. Others do not.

one year I was Mary in the nativity play lol

I have a complicated relationship with religion, as I think most people do. And as the reality of college looms closer, I admit it's been on my mind pretty often. I've never known a life outside of the church. Nearly every childhood memory I hold is in someway related to someone from church, something at church, something for church... I don't know who I'd exactly be had I not been raised that environment. But I know I'll be leaving home soon, and correspondingly leaving the religious place and community center of my upbringing. The image of myself going to a new church, without my family to go with, without the church second-family I've grown up alongside for the past nearly two decades, is extremely daunting. I don't have much trust in my decisions. I like it easy- and I realize this is my (human) flaw. Perhaps this means I prefer accepting a fate given to me over having my own free will? Being blunt, it's so much simpler to drive to chapel with my parents, no questions, than to push myself to go each week by myself. I'm afraid to do it alone. I'm afraid I won't be able to. I'm afraid of my own independence.

an aside- I hope this isn't taken as me proselytizing

another aside- this blog title is kind of irrelevant to the post. I just couldn't think of another "god" lyric on the spot, sorry. I love this song though (Not Strong Enough by boygenius), and I could have a blog post separate to it analyzing this one lyric. It's actually right on the mark to how relevant it will be for my developing idea for my lyric essay blogpost coming soon. Seeing it trend online with character comparisons (ex. Paris = angel, Rory = god) is so painful but so good- if you see this please talk to me about it :p