Crush!

My idea, and ideals, of Valentine's Day began wholesome and indulgent; it was an annual tradition in elementary school to spend the night beforehand scribbling my name on the To: line of paper valentines cards from a store bought 25-pack, so that the next day I could give the same Disney princess candy gram to my first-grade bully and my crush. (Although if I'm to be majorly vulnerable, I think it's safe for me now to admit that I most definitely saved Belle, my favorite, for my at-the-time classroom crush, and gave my not-so-crushes Pocahontas or something, sorry). 

Over the past decade of growing up, however, my reaction and relationship to Valentine's Day and its themes have ebbed and flowed. For a while it was too embarrassing to even admit I was even friends with someone of the opposite gender; then, the ever looming question of what if we're just friends? could we be just friends? could it ever be just that simple? What a When Harry Met Sally tragedy.

I know, how dramatic. Partly, maybe most prominently, it is because we are all still too young and stupid and immature. We might even think we're too good to show love- or maybe we think we're incapable of it. I think many of us may be in our Siddhartha era- dismissing love in its many forms, considering it inessential and turning a blind eye even as it weaves and intertwines all the parts of our lives.  

Around this time last year, Richard Siken's Crush, a collection of poems, was my hyperfixation; I chose him as my mentor poet easily yet cautiously - if you are at all into the themes of the month of February / as sentimental of a person as I am, you might enjoy. Here's an excerpt from Scheherazade, the first poem in his collection: 

Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.

These, our bodies, possessed by light.

Tell me we'll never get used to it.

Maybe it's not that serious. Maybe it's not even about us- the modern phenomenon of Valentine's Day, once you think about it for a little too long as I am right now, is lots bizarre. There's also always that argument about its consumerist and capitalistic nature... but I guess this is where I reveal my sentimentalism. Despite everything, I think it's still worth it to celebrate all the love around you. What's the harm? Hating Valentine's Day only hurts yourself- it's so fun!!! and silly and sweet!!! and special!!!!!

An aside: why do we celebrate Valentine's Day as a marked holiday? like, why do we honor mothers on Mothers Day? And women on Women's Day? To challenge it, why don't we just set a random (but still intentional) calendar notification in mid-April, or in late October, or early June- to remind you to tell everyone in your life how important they are to you, this day and every day • ₊°✧︡ ˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗